12 Things You Should Never Say to Your Talent in Relocation

“Everything’s fine, right?”

Not necessarily.

When employees move abroad, HR and managers often try to be supportive. But sometimes, the very words they use, even well-intentioned ones, have the opposite effect. Instead of reassurance, they leave employees feeling dismissed, misunderstood, or left alone to cope.

Relocation isn’t just about logistics like visas, housing, and schools. It’s about people. And words play a huge role in shaping whether employees feel supported or isolated.

Here are 12 things you should never say to your talent in relocation, and why these seemingly harmless phrases can actually undermine the success of international assignments.

1. “You’re so lucky to live there.”

Managers often mean this as encouragement, highlighting the exciting side of living abroad. But for the employee hearing it, especially in the early months, it can feel like their struggles don’t count. Yes, Paris or Barcelona may sound glamorous, but behind the postcard view are language barriers, cultural friction, and loneliness.

When HR calls them “lucky,” what they may actually hear is: “You have no right to complain.” That shuts down honest conversations before they even start.

2. “Don’t worry, you’ll pick up the language in no time.”

This phrase assumes good intentions, trying to boost confidence. But learning a language as an adult, while working full-time and managing family life, is rarely quick or easy. It’s a process filled with frustration and self-doubt.

Telling employees they’ll pick it up effortlessly can backfire. If they struggle, they won’t just feel stuck with the language, they’ll also feel like they’re “failing” at something everyone else thinks should be easy. That adds unnecessary pressure at an already stressful time.

3. “Your partner will figure things out eventually.”

Trailing spouses and partners are one of the most overlooked pieces of the relocation puzzle. They may have left careers, social networks, or family behind. They often face isolation while the employee is absorbed in work.

Dismissing their adjustment with “they’ll figure it out” puts the entire relocation at risk. If a spouse or partner is unhappy, stressed, or lonely, it inevitably affects the employee’s performance and retention. What HR intends as reassurance is often heard as: “Their experience doesn’t matter.”

4. “It’s just culture shock, you’ll get over it.”

Culture shock isn’t a passing mood, it’s a very real process of psychological adjustment. Brushing it off as something temporary minimizes its impact and tells employees to simply push through.

The result? Instead of opening up about their struggles, employees learn to hide them. They mask their discomfort, telling managers what they want to hear, while privately feeling overwhelmed. By the time HR notices, performance or wellbeing has already suffered.

5. “If you need anything, let me know.” … and then vanish.

This phrase gives the illusion of support, but without proactive follow-up, it’s empty. Most employees won’t reach out, even if they’re struggling. They don’t want to be seen as weak, ungrateful, or unable to cope.

So when HR disappears after saying this, the message received is: “You’re on your own.” What was meant as openness becomes abandonment. Relocation support isn’t about waiting for problems to surface, it’s about staying engaged enough to catch them early.

6. “Everyone struggles, it’s fine.”

Managers often use this to normalize difficulties. But to the employee on the receiving end, it can feel like their personal struggles don’t matter because “everyone else” is having the same experience.

What this actually creates is silence. Instead of feeling validated, employees may think: “If everyone else can handle it, I should too.” And so they keep quiet, even when the situation is affecting their work, their family, and their mental health.

7. “You’re a high performer, you’ll be fine.”

This is a classic example of misplaced confidence. Yes, the employee may be a top performer in their home country. But relocation changes the playing field entirely. New culture, new communication norms, new pressures.

Telling them “you’ll be fine” based on past performance overlooks the unique challenges of working abroad. In fact, high performers may be more at risk, because they feel even more pressure to succeed and less willing to admit when they’re struggling.

8. “It’s only for a few years, make the best of it.”

From an HR perspective, two or three years can sound temporary. But for an employee and their family, it’s their daily reality. A few years is a long time to live with isolation, cultural disconnection, or family stress.

Framing it as “temporary” downplays the very real challenges they’re living day-to-day. It signals that HR expects them to endure rather than seek support. Over time, that endurance often turns into disengagement.

BTW, if you want to learn what you should say to your talent abroad - Let’s have a talk.

9. “You’re not the first to relocate, others managed.”

This is often said with the intention of reassurance: if others succeed, you will too. But what employees actually hear is comparison, and comparison rarely motivates.

Every relocation is different. A single employee relocating to Berlin faces different challenges than a family moving to Madrid. Suggesting that “others managed” erases the individual context and makes employees feel inadequate for finding it difficult.

10. “We gave you everything you need - apartment, school, visa.”

This phrase highlights a common blind spot: the assumption that relocation is purely logistical. Housing, schools, and visas are essential, but they don’t create belonging.

When HR stops at logistics, employees are left with the impression that their emotional and cultural adaptation doesn’t matter. The company checked the boxes, so any remaining struggles must be theirs alone to solve. That’s a dangerous gap.

11. “Let’s wait and see how it goes.”

This phrase might sound practical, but it’s a recipe for failure. By the time relocation challenges are obvious, they’ve often escalated into disengagement, family crises, or performance drops.

“Wait and see” communicates passivity. Employees hear: “Your struggles aren’t urgent. We’ll only act if things fall apart.” By then, it’s usually too late.

12. “Everyone adapts eventually.”

This is perhaps the most misleading reassurance of all. Adaptation isn’t automatic. Some expats thrive quickly, while others face ongoing difficulties that never fully resolve without support.

Telling employees “you’ll adapt” is a way of brushing problems under the rug. Instead of feeling understood, they feel pressured to appear as though everything is fine. Over time, that disconnect erodes trust, and retention.

Why These Phrases Hurt Retention

Each of these statements might sound harmless at the moment. But together, they reveal a pattern: the human side of relocation is consistently minimized or overlooked. Employees hear that their struggles aren’t valid, their families don’t matter, or that success is a matter of endurance.

For HR and global mobility teams, the consequences are real. Failed relocations are expensive, often costing hundreds of thousands of dollars per assignment. But even before failure, the cost shows up in disengagement, reduced productivity, and damaged trust.

Relocation isn’t just about moving talent across borders. It’s about making sure they feel seen, supported, and valued once they’re there. Words matter. And the wrong words, even said with the best of intentions, can undermine everything.

The difference between a relocation that thrives and one that fails often comes down to the smallest things: everyday conversations, casual comments, and the phrases HR and managers use.

If your company is sending people abroad, take a closer look at the language you use. What may sound supportive from your side may be doing more harm than good on theirs.

At Smoozitive, we help HR and global mobility teams uncover these blind spots and understand the human side of relocation, because behind every successful assignment is talent that feels heard, valued, and supported.