The Expat Life Cycle: Understanding the Human Journey of Living Abroad
- Smoozitive Team
- May 17
- 7 min read
You moved abroad with excitement in your heart and a checklist in your hand.
You prepared the documents, found a place to live, packed the boxes, and even rehearsed your “I’d like a small coffee” in the new language.
So… why do you suddenly feel off?
If you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “I was so excited, so why do I feel anxious, homesick, or like I don’t recognize myself anymore?”, you’re not alone. What you’re experiencing is part of a well-documented process known as the Expat Life Cycle, a concept explored in cross-cultural and positive psychology.
And here’s something important: this journey isn’t linear. It’s a spiral. You don’t pass through each stage once and graduate. You loop back, evolve, adapt, sometimes within the same year. And that doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re growing. We’ll go deeper into this in a moment.
This article will walk you through the five core stages most expats experience. Not to box you in, but to normalize what you’re going through. You’re not broken. You’re human. And understanding these phases might just help you meet yourself with more compassion, clarity, and resilience.
Stage 1: Before the Move
Timeline: 0–6 months before relocation
This stage is often filled with adrenaline, hope, and endless lists. You’re making big decisions, probably reaching out to relocation agencies, tackling paperwork, researching housing, watching YouTube videos on taxes… all while trying to stay sane.
You feel like a pioneer: organized, brave, and ready. The anticipation of a fresh start gives you energy, but also hides subtle signs of stress. Saying goodbye isn’t as easy as you thought it would be, and with the upcoming moving date getting closer, you feel like there’s not enough time to handle all that you should. In positive psychology, we call this anticipatory activation: a state where excitement masks your underlying cognitive load.
At this point, your identity is still rooted in your home culture, but your thoughts are reaching toward your future life. You’re in-between, and that’s a powerful, but vulnerable, place to be.
What helps:
Let yourself feel both the joy and the overwhelm. They can coexist.
Start naming your “why” beyond the checklist, the real deep internal reasons this move matters to you. Not the reasons in your head, look for the reasons in your gut.
Stage 2: The Honeymoon Phase
Timeline: First 0–3 months after arrival
Everything feels new. Sparkling. Alive.
You love the sound of the city you’re discovering. You feel the urge to share beautiful pictures of your new life. You’re proud you ordered a coffee in French (even if it came with the wrong milk). You’re absorbing your surroundings like a sponge, often with childlike curiosity.
This phase is emotionally uplifting, and many expats feel proud of themselves, which reinforces early motivation. Research shows that expats as well as international assignees love this phase! And are generally highly satisfied with how things are going.
But: beneath the excitement, your brain is working overtime. Every environment cue is unfamiliar. Your nervous system is adapting constantly, even when you’re relaxed. And while this stage can feel magical, it’s also fragile.
What helps:
Capture the moments that delight you, they’ll serve as anchors later. You can make a digital album of places and moments that makes you smile
Journal about your early impressions, not to romanticize, but to track how your perspective evolves.
Stage 3: When Reality Kicks In
Timeline: Roughly 3–12 months (but varies)
This is the stage where things start to feel ‘different’.
You start noticing things you didn’t before. The language barrier starts to wear on you. The rhythm of daily life starts to clash with your expectations. You’re not a tourist anymore, but you’re not quite local either.
You miss your old routines. You can’t find your brand of toothpaste. You question if your kids are really adapting. And sometimes, even small tasks feel draining. This is the most emotionally intense stage, the one most linked with expat blues, cultural adjustment stress, and feelings of isolation or doubt.
You go through all the emotions - sometimes a couple of times a day. And it’s tiring.
In psychological terms, this phase marks a loss of unconscious competence, the loss of ease you once had navigating your own culture and day to day. And now, everything feels effortful. That can shake even the most resilient person’s sense of self.
That’s where most expats say they are the least happy, least comfortable, less satisfied.
What helps:
Normalize it. You’re not broken. You’re adjusting. Continue journaling about your experiences and reflect on what you’re going through.
Find spaces where you can express your emotions, without needing to “fix” them right away.
Begin redefining what success looks like, now that the fantasy has met reality.
If you see yourself in any of those stages we discussed in this article, and would like to elaborate on it, talk to someone who understand this first hand, and can help you navigate the ups and downs of life abroad with confidence, clarity and positivity. We're inviting you to book a discovery call with one of our expat life coaches.
Stage 4: Settling In
Timeline: Usually between 12–24 months
Something starts to click.
You’re more accepting, ready to embrace adaptation to differences, your identity shifts, you start to feel more integrated and know the little secrets of your town that others have yet to discover, and you become at ease with the variety of challenges you’re facing.
Some of the initial connections you made became actual friends, the kids feel good, the job feels meaningful, and the day to day starts to make more sense.
You discover which supermarket has your favorite ingredients. You learn how to book a medical appointment locally. You meet someone who gets it, maybe even a local who laughs at your jokes. Your confidence slowly rebuilds.
This is the stage where your identity starts integrating. You no longer feel like two people, “the you back home” and “the you abroad.” You begin forming your new narrative: I live here. And I’m okay.
But it’s still messy at times. A tax form can still throw you off. Family pressure from back home still stings. You’re not immune to setbacks, but you’re more capable of handling them.
Overall expats feel an increase in their life satisfaction at this phase of the journey, with some expectations.
What helps:
Let go of rigid timelines. Everyone settles in at their own pace.
Practice seeing challenges as opportunities, and looking for what is working instead of what’s still off.
Start building rituals. Small, repeated moments that make you feel grounded.
Stage 5: Actually Living Abroad
Timeline: Highly personal, though often happens after 18 months
Some reach this phase faster than others.
This phase isn’t about perfection, it’s about embodiment.
You start calling this place home. Not because you’ve “made it” but because you’re no longer fighting it. Your routines work. Your support system grows. You notice the rhythm of the seasons, and the tone of your language improves, even if your accent doesn’t.
Curiosity is skyrocketing here, and you’re not constantly comparing anymore. You’re simply living. Fully. And preferably enjoy your life abroad.
This stage is often where a deep sense of belonging emerges. Not necessarily because you’ve become French, or German, or Spanish… but because you’ve become yourself, here.
What helps:
Stay curious. Your journey isn’t over.
Reflect on how far you’ve come, the invisible growth is often the most important.
Why It’s Not Linear (and That’s Okay)
Here’s the truth most guides don’t say:
These stages aren’t checkpoints. They’re a spiral.
Life events, like a new job, a change in relationship status, your child starting school, your loved ones struggling, a friendship change, or a return “home”, can re-trigger old phases.
Sometimes we can feel like we’ve already ‘dealt’ with a particular situation and don’t understand why it’s challenging this new time around, like when filing taxes, or having a medical situation that is new after 4 years abroad. But that’s exactly what we mean by ‘spiral’. We meet similar setbacks and personal triggers at different phases - which helps us uncover this personal growth on a new level.
This doesn’t mean you’re going backwards. It means your story is unfolding. You’re deepening, not failing.
This is when you’re strengthening your personal tool box, and more specifically your resilience. In positive psychology, resilience is not about avoiding discomfort. It’s about building your capacity to move through change quicker, with awareness, support, and self-kindness.
What Most People Miss: The Emotional Impact of Each Phase
Too often, expats prepare for the logistics and ignore the human aspect. But each stage carries its own invisible weight:
The pressure of proving this move was worth it.
The loneliness of not having a support system in a new place.
The guilt of feeling unhappy when you “should” be grateful.
The identity crisis that comes when the person you see in the mirror isn’t who you used to be.
Acknowledging these realities doesn’t make you weak, it makes you honest, real, and authentic. It’s only when we face those moments that we actually grow, and allow ourselves to become the person we want and need to be in order to make this life abroad a successful one.
How to Navigate Each Stage with More Ease
Understand the stage you’re in. Naming it gives shape to experience.
Connect with others in the same stage, or one ahead. Sharing similar situations with no judgment is extremely valuable.
Practice self-compassion. Not as a buzzword, but as a strategy.
Work with your mindset. Your thoughts shape how you interpret the challenges around you. Mindset tools, including journaling, coaching, or digital tools like Reframe-It, can make a real difference.
Celebrate the invisible wins. They count more than you think.
Final Thought: You’re Doing Better Than You Think
Wherever you are in your expat life cycle, know this:
You’re not alone. You’re not failing.
You’re simply evolving in a new context. And that takes courage.
You moved not just your things, but your entire self.
And that self deserves grace, support, and room to grow.
This life abroad? It’s not linear.
But it’s yours. And it’s unfolding in exactly the way it needs to.
