The Mindset That Keeps You Stuck from Moving Abroad (and How to Break Free)

You’ve probably been there. Scrolling through forums at 2 a.m., juggling 23 open tabs on visas, housing, language apps, and “best neighborhoods for expats.” Your notebook is full of checklists, timelines, and budget estimates. You’ve read every blog you could find. Took those personality tests that tell you where you should be moving to. 

And yet, you’re still not moving.

Why? Because deep down, you’re waiting for one thing that doesn’t exist: certainty.

This is what is called “the tyranny of how.”When you dream of doing something big, like moving abroad, your brain instantly jumps to: “But how? I’ve never done this before. Who am I kidding?”

That spiral keeps so many would-be expats stuck in endless research, procrastination, or postponing their dream indefinitely. Not because they’re unprepared, but because they’re starting with the wrong question.

The truth is: you don’t need all the hows to begin. You need your why.

Why We Get Stuck on the “How”

Human beings crave certainty. It’s how our brains are wired. Psychologists call it uncertainty intolerance: the discomfort we feel when faced with unpredictable outcomes.

For relocation, this instinct goes into overdrive. You’ve never dealt with a French tax form before. You don’t know how you’ll make friends in Lisbon. You can’t imagine how your kids will adapt to a new school in Berlin.

So your brain whispers: “Don’t move until you know exactly how it’s all going to work.”

But here’s the paradox:

• The how only becomes clear after you commit.

• By waiting until you’re certain, you guarantee you’ll never start.

Think of it this way: no expat has ever landed in Paris with a fully mapped-out life. They had fears, gaps, and unanswered questions, just like you.

The Tyranny of How in Real Life Abroad

Let’s make this concrete.

• “How will I find a job?”

• “How will I handle the language barrier?”

• “How will I know which neighborhood to live in?”

• “How will my partner adjust?”

• “How will I survive if I fail?”

Sound familiar? These are valid concerns, but when they dominate your thoughts, they stop you from moving forward at all.

It’s like standing at the edge of a swimming pool, analyzing every stroke, every possible water temperature, every chance you might sink… instead of just getting in.

Most people don’t give up on their dream to live abroad because they know everything and decide it’s not for them. 

They don’t move abroad because fear of the how kept them from starting, or from asking for help when they needed it.

What to Focus on Instead: Your “Why”

Here’s the shift: start with why, not how.

When John F. Kennedy declared in 1961 that the U.S. would put a man on the moon, he didn’t know how. There was no roadmap. What made him a leader was committing to the why, and letting the how unfold as people worked toward it.

Your expat journey works the same way.

Why are you moving abroad?

• To give your kids a broader world view?

• To grow your career in an international environment?

• To live a lifestyle you’ve always dreamed of?

• To finally feel aligned with the person you want to become?

When your why is strong, the how becomes problem-solving, not paralysis. You’re no longer searching for certainty, you’re building from inner certainty that you’ll find a way - and you’re fully committed to yourself!

How the “How” Figures Itself Out Once You Commit

Here’s the part that surprises many expats: once you make the decision, the steps start revealing themselves.

You say yes to the job offer, and suddenly HR redirect you to this top expert who walks you through the visa process. You book your flight, and your mom offers you this super helpful inspiring book. You join a local Pilates class, and suddenly you meet some cool people you can have coffee with.

It doesn’t mean everything is easy. But once you’re in motion, the fear of the unknown shrinks. Experience replaces speculation.

One of our clients once said, “The moment I stopped Googling ‘How do I know if moving abroad will work?’ and started packing, everything clicked. The answers showed up when I needed them.”

Tools to Move Past the Tyranny of How

If you’re caught in the loop right now, here are a few ways to break free:

1. Name Your Fear

Write down every “how” swirling in your head. Don’t filter. Just get it on paper.Then ask: Is this something I can solve now, or something I’ll only learn by doing?

2. Anchor in Your Why

List your top reason for moving abroad, beyond logistics. Keep them somewhere visible. On tough days, they’ll remind you what really matters.

3. Shift from Strategy to Next Step

Instead of obsessing over the full plan, ask: What’s the next step I can take today? Maybe it’s booking a language class. Maybe it’s reaching out to someone who’s already made the move.

4. Seek Perspective, Not Just Information

There’s endless info online. What’s rare is perspective from people who’ve been there. Surround yourself with mentors, expat communities, or coaches who normalize the wobble.

5. Reframe Failure

Failure isn’t moving abroad and struggling. Failure is never giving yourself the chance. Every challenge abroad is part of your growth, not proof you weren’t ready.

You Don’t Need Certainty, You Need Commitment

The fear of failing abroad doesn’t mean you’re not capable. It means you’re human, standing at the edge of something transformative.

Certainty isn’t coming before you leap. It’s built because you leapt.

So if you’re staring at your endless tabs, drowning in checklists, waiting for the day you’ll finally “know for sure”… take this as your reminder:

You don’t need all the answers. You just need one decision.

The rest will follow.