GIVE YOURSELF AN UNFAIR ADVANTAGE
GIVE YOURSELF AN UNFAIR ADVANTAGE
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Motivating vs. Demotivating Phrases: The Power of Words When Your Loved One Moves Abroad
When someone close to you moves abroad, your life changes too. This article explores how words shape the transition—for both the one leaving and those staying behind. Learn how to express support in a way that empowers, fosters connection, and strengthens relationships, no matter the distance.
Maayan & Gal Founders of Smoozitive
Monday, February 17, 2025
So, your best friend just announced they’re moving to another country. Or maybe it’s your sibling, your child, your partner-in-crime for lazy Sunday brunches.
At first, you’re excited for them—what an adventure! But then, reality hits. They’re actually leaving. Suddenly, you’re caught between two emotions: Wow, this is amazing for them and Wait… what about us?
You want to be happy for them, supportive, the person who cheers them on. But deep down, a small part of you feels uncertain. How will this change your relationship? Will they forget about you? Will they be okay?
Here’s something important that not many people talk about: When someone close to you moves abroad, your life changes, too.
And the tricky part? You didn’t choose this change. They made a decision for themselves (as they should!), but it inevitably impacts you. Maybe this was your go-to person, the one you invited for coffee when you needed a laugh or a deep conversation. Maybe they were part of your daily life, and now there’s this unspoken fear—will things ever feel the same?
If you're feeling a mix of pride, excitement, sadness, and even a little resentment… that’s okay. Those feelings are completely valid. Change—even good change—comes with an adjustment period. But here’s where you have power: in how you express those emotions and the impact your words have.
Because whether you realize it or not, the things you say in the weeks leading up to their departure—and in the months that follow—can either empower them with confidence or fill them with doubt.
So, let’s talk about linguistic precision—choosing words that motivate, uplift, and create connection, even from a distance. Because when someone you love is stepping into the unknown, the last thing they need is fear.
The Emotional Rollercoaster of “I’m Moving”
Let’s flip the perspective for a moment. Imagine you were the one moving.
Picture yourself packing your bags, standing in an airport, heart pounding as you step toward the unknown. You’re excited, but also terrified. What if you don’t fit in? What if things don’t go as planned?
Now, think about how you’d feel if, in that moment, someone said:
- “Are you sure about this? It’s a really big step…”
- “You’re leaving everything behind—aren’t you scared?”
- “It’s going to be hard to make real friends there.”
Instant panic, right? Even if you were feeling great about your decision, suddenly, doubts creep in.
Now, imagine instead if someone said:
- “I’m so proud of you for following your dreams.”
- “This is going to be an incredible experience for you.”
- “You’re going to grow so much from this.”
Different energy, isn’t it? You’d feel supported, reassured, like someone believes in you—even when you don’t fully believe in yourself yet.
What We Say Matters More Than We Realize
We don’t always think about the impact our words have. Often, what we say comes from a place of love, concern, or our own emotions.
For example, when a parent tells their child, “I just don’t want you to struggle,” they mean, I love you and I don’t want you to go through unnecessary pain. But to the person moving, it might sound like, You don’t think I can handle this.
When a friend says, “I don’t know how we’ll stay in touch,” they might mean, I’m scared of losing this friendship, but it can be received as This distance is going to break us apart.
Our words carry weight. So instead of accidentally creating doubt, let’s choose words that inspire confidence.
(Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels)
Motivating Phrases: How to Lift Them Up
When someone you love is moving abroad, they (many times) need your belief in them more than anything. Here’s how to make sure they feel supported:
💛 Show pride in their courage.
- “You’re incredibly brave for doing this. I admire you.”
- “Not everyone has the guts to take this leap—you inspire me.”
💛 Reassure them that distance won’t change your connection.
- “No matter where you go, you’ll always have a home here.”
- “We’re going to make the best long-distance friendship work—I promise.”
💛 Encourage excitement instead of fear.
- “You’re about to create a whole new chapter—how amazing is that?”
- “Think of all the stories you’ll have to tell me when I visit!”
💛 Acknowledge their feelings without adding to their stress.
- “It’s normal to feel nervous. That just means you’re doing something exciting.”
- “This will feel overwhelming at times, but you are more than capable.”
These simple shifts make a world of difference. They validate their decision instead of making them second-guess it.
Demotivating Phrases: What to Avoid (Even If You Mean Well)
Sometimes, the words we say come from our own fears, not theirs. Here are a few things to be mindful of:
❌ Phrases that plant doubt:
- “Are you sure you want to do this?” (Trust us, they’ve thought about it A LOT already.)
- “What if you don’t like it? What’s your backup plan?” (Their brain is already playing out a hundred worst-case scenarios. They don’t need another one.)
❌ Phrases that make them feel guilty:
- “I don’t know how I’ll get by without you.”
- “You’re leaving everyone behind.”
- “I hope you don’t regret this.”
❌ Phrases that highlight potential struggles:
- “It’s going to be really hard to make new friends.”
- “The cost of living there is insane—good luck.”
- “I wouldn’t do it, but hey, it’s your life.”
Even if these statements come from love, they can add unnecessary stress. Instead of framing the move as something risky or painful, focus on what they gain from this experience.
(Photo by Kindel Media on Pexels)
What If YOU’RE the One Struggling With Their Move?
Here’s the thing: it’s okay to feel sad, scared, or even a little abandoned. It’s a big change for you, too. But the best way to navigate these feelings isn’t by making them carry the weight of your emotions—it’s by finding ways to adapt together.
Instead of saying, “I’m going to miss you so much, this is so hard,”
try:
💛 “I’m going to miss you a ton, but I can’t wait to hear about all your adventures!”
Instead of saying, “I don’t know how we’ll stay close,”
try:
💛 “Let’s set a weekly call and plan a visit—I’m excited to see your new world.”
Instead of saying, “I hope this works out for you,”
try:
💛 “I believe in you. You’ve got this.”
You’re not losing them. You’re just learning a new way to stay connected.
What If You’re the One Moving? Understanding Their Perspective
If you’re reading this as the person who’s about to move abroad (because, let’s be honest, this topic is super interesting—and you’re absolutely right), here’s something important to keep in mind:
Your friends, family, and colleagues aren’t saying these things to hurt you or make you doubt your decision. They’re not trying to rain on your parade or sabotage your dream. They’re simply dealing with their own version of this transition.
Remember, you made this choice. You had time to think it through, weigh the pros and cons, and mentally prepare for this new chapter. But for them? It’s different. They weren’t part of the decision-making process, yet they have to adjust to it, too. And sometimes, when people don’t know how to process change, it comes out in the form of doubt, worry, or even frustration.
Their questions, their concerns, their jokes about you "coming back soon"—they’re all part of their way of dealing with this shift. It’s not about you making the wrong choice. It’s about them learning to navigate life with you at a greater distance.
So, when you hear a comment that feels discouraging, take a deep breath before reacting. Instead of feeling defensive, try to see the love behind their words. They care about you. They will miss you. And maybe, just maybe, they’re afraid of losing the connection you’ve built together.
The best thing you can do? Reassure them. Let them know that just because you’re moving doesn’t mean you’re disappearing. Show them that they still matter. And most importantly, give them time to adjust—just like you’re giving yourself time to embrace this new adventure.
Final Thoughts: The Words They’ll Remember
When your loved one looks back on this transition, they’ll remember the words that made them feel stronger, braver, and more capable. It’s true both for the one moving, and the one staying.
They’ll remember if you believed in them.
They’ll remember if you cheered them on.
They’ll remember if you reassured them.
And that’s what will keep your relationship solid—no matter how many miles are between you.
So choose words that empower. Be the voice that reminds them: This is going to be amazing, and you’ve got this.
And if you ever doubt whether your words matter? Just ask yourself this: If I were in their shoes, what would I want to hear?
Communication is key during this transition, for both sides. So listen, have an open heart, and take your pom poms out - you both need it!
Maayan & Gal Founders of Smoozitive
Among other things they are dreamers, doers, sisters and of course living abroad. They strongly believe that moving and living abroad can and should be the experience we dream of rather than the one we fear. They dedicated their business (and their time and energy) to make sure that happens for as many people as possible. Smoozitive is where you start creating a life you actually enjoy living, no matter where you are.
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