Being the First in the Family to Move Abroad
- Dara Wissinger Pütz
- Jul 14
- 6 min read
What does it mean to be the first to step outside of your family bubble and live in a different country? Or even another continent?
Some of us move abroad with a plan to stay forever and it fulfills a lifelong dream. While some of us think we are taking a gap year which turns into 8 years with a husband and owning a home in a foreign country. However your expat journey looks, I am sure it is unique to you. No life abroad story is the same and that is the beauty in it. We can all sympathize, share and delve into each other’s stories but no two are alike. Mine included.
When I left home at the age of 24 to move to China for my gap year of working for Disney and exploring Asia I did not in many lifetimes think I would still be abroad. I love warm air and sandy toes so my goal after this gap year was always to move to somewhere coastal in the south. I wanted to live my beach blonde dreams with weekend beach walks collecting seashells. Inland German life is far from that, but I have traded it for quiet weekend walks in the park with my husband and exploring castles any chance I can get.
Getting the Family on Board
When I announced a few weeks into the new year of my last semester in grad school that I would be taking a contract in Shanghai, China everyone thought I was insane. I also think many people didn’t think I would do it (which only spurred my passion to do it). While the vast majority also couldn’t understand why I would want to do it (honestly neither did I understand). After all, the American understanding of China is zero to nonexistent and not at all accurate to what life is like there. This was before the days of TikTok and influencers showing you a glimpse of what life is like across the globe. I was going blind into this adventure and my family was not a fan.
Yet, they supported me in all the ways they knew how. My last semester at grad school was a whirlwind of trying to graduate, working a full-time job, preparing all of the China visa paperwork and studying for my TEFL certificate. I was functionally not functional. Without the support of my family to encourage me and help where they could I most likely wouldn’t have made it to China at all. They knew though for reasons unclear to us all that this is something I desperately wanted to do.
I am sure they secretly hoped I would change my mind at any point and stay home. Don’t get me wrong, this thought crossed my mind many times especially the day where I had to remove my beautifully framed college degree and fold the paper into quarters to send off to the Chinese embassy with my passport for who knows how long. Saying goodbye to my family and getting on a plane alone halfway across the world where I knew no one and not a word of the local language terrified me so I can only imagine how it made my parents feel. Though, they had faith in my abilities to think on my feet, use the education they provided me with, and figure things out. With many tears and many calls home, I did just that – figured out life in China.
I was naïve in thinking I would quickly return after my supposed gap year. My mom and best friend saw right through my veiled charade immediately even when I didn’t. I even believed I would be back in no time. They, on the other hand, should have made bets because both were right – I wouldn’t be returning home anytime soon. Legend has it, they both made comments after my departure about how I would be abroad for a while and come back engaged and soon to be married. Neither of them was too far off. I was married two years after moving abroad. While none of us could foresee my life still being abroad 8 years later, we all see the growth and life opportunities it has brought to me.
Bringing My New Found Cultures Home
With each new country I have lived in I have made it a mission to delve myself into the local culture as much as possible. Often language barriers may make that challenging but I made sure to attend cultural events and performances, taste local dishes, dress in traditional clothing and most importantly share that with my family and friends when I returned home. After living in China, all my friends and family were bought chopsticks and given lessons to feel more comfortable using them. After living in Singapore, I brought back Kaya jam (a coconut delicious jam spread) for them to try. For our time now in Germany, my husband often gives family mini language lessons. My family’s current favorite German word is Schildkröte which is the name for a turtle. Schildkröte directly translates to shielded toad, and they love it.
I love having the opportunity to connect with my family on a deeper level every time I go home. As we only see each other once or twice a year for short periods of time, we cherish the time together even more than before I moved abroad. We are more intentional with the time spent together and we ensure to make it meaningful. I relish collecting trinkets and stories of my travels throughout the year to share with them when we are reunited. We no longer simply discuss what’s next for dinner, but we also discuss cultural lessons learned while I have been abroad and new experiences I have had sprinkled in between normal conversation.
Not only do we have this additional bonding when I return to the states but also when they visit us abroad as well. We were fortunate enough to have had my parents stay with us for one month recently to really understand life abroad and see a good portion of our local area and some neighboring countries. Additionally, two of my uncles from different sides of the family were able to join us on a trip to Vienna. Creating memories and experiencing in new places together in Europe is never something I thought I would be able to do so easily with my family. I will cherish these memories I have been able to have with them all forever.
Being the first to break the mold
While being the first in the family to fully live abroad for an extended period was challenging, it was by far the most rewarding experience of my life. There were no cousins, siblings or other relatives to seek advice from or learn from. While some relatives lived abroad briefly for a missions trip or teaching abroad for a year or so, I was the first one to break the mold and live abroad long term. I hope by breaking this familial mold other generations can see my success and follow suit if they wish to do so. I also hope besides being an encouraging role model I can be a trusted advisor for friends and family wanting to do the same (whether they intend to be long term abroad or not).
I miss my family every day, but I know they want me to experience as much of this life as possible. Travel is my passion and love language and the support I have from my family to fulfill my dreams is endless and appreciated. While living abroad was not my intended dream it has become my current one. This isn’t a dream for everyone and that is okay. For anyone who is on the fence about breaking the mold though and following a crazy dream – this is your sign to do it. Life always works out in the end and family will come around if they are skeptical. If I hadn’t broken the family mold, I wouldn’t be living my best life with my German husband and built in best friend by my side traveling the world together.
Meet Dara
Originally I am from the very first and second smallest state in America, Delaware. After achieving my masters degree I wanted to take a 'gap year' to work in Shanghai, China with Disney. I met my husband in Shanghai and somehow that 'gap year' turned into more than 8 years of living abroad! I have lived across three continents and four countries before I turned 30 and I wouldn't be surprised if those statistics change again before I am 40. I currently reside in the land of fairytale inspiration itself, Bavaria, Germany with my German husband. I love the thrill of visiting somewhere new and I am passionate about planning every single detail for all of our trips. I have always wanted to share my knowledge and expertise from this magical life abroad and thus this column was born. Join me as I take you from Delaware to Everywhere.
If you enjoyed this article, you can discover more in my column: From Delaware To Everywhere
